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96 astro eating batteries no one knows why

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My astro  kills brand new batteries every 3-6 months. Had 2 diff times the parasitic draw test which nothing was found.  Got $2000 into mechanics who did nothing but destroy   my van by cutting my remote start saying it was the problem,  broken side of housing, scratched hood up.  I thought I myself found the fuse that was draining it so too it out since only controlled mirrors.  Well that wasnt it. drove it one day and dead the next.  Got multi meter n test light and everything is good.   So then I got one of those disconnects that u unscrew when not driving so battery is not connected. Guess what, battery dead .  How a battery can die from 12.4 to 91 when no connection.    Cant be the battery its my 4/5 one in two years.  Alternator good, starter good, cables good.   So I got ahold of chevy corp.  Of course that was dumb.  Trying to tell me that age I should buy new.  Van in great shape just wont hold a battery charge.  Someone has to have an idea.  I ive on 800 a month and cant keep paying these mechanics who say they fixed it but didnt. Or say I have no idea

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